The Torah establishes Amalek as the enemy of G-dliness and goodness. The enemy of everything that’s good and beautiful.
We see it as the embodiment of evil.
It also has the gematria (letter/number value) of the word safek, which means doubt or hesitation.
And I was wondering: why, out of all the evil traits, is this one the worst?
I would guess anger, envy, or hatred to be better candidates. They certainly seem more overtly negative than the mere fact of doubting or hesitating, which, at its worst, seemingly just leaves a person in some shade of gray.
So, I think we can explain it in the following manner.
Whatever a person does, be it positive or negative, moves the person forward. It creates momentum forward, be it up or down in terms of morality, but movement nonetheless.
As long as a person is moving forward, the momentum itself is an expression of change.
As long as a person is alive, they have the ability to gain experience, and as long as they gain experience, they can refine those sparks of consciousness in the world through learning and growth.
And even though the path is intentionally difficult, with multiple ups and downs to navigate, that is part of the journey. We believe that as long as you keep at it, you will eventually arrive at your essence and source.
But in order for this to happen, a step must be taken at each crossroads.
Possibly in the wrong direction.
But a step nonetheless.
But then there’s one thing which is the exception that proves the rule.
The concealed assassin of our hopes, aspirations, and potential.
A wolf in sheep’s clothing who pretends to be working in our interest.
That enemy, that subtle deceiver, who interrupts and makes us wonder, so briefly, whether what we believe is right is truly right.
It comes so innocently with the simple words:
“What if…”
Not revealing that this is the door to an endless cycle which traps us in a loop.
Because no matter what you believe, there will always be a “What if…”, and so it hypnotizes us and threatens our most precious gift:
Our lives.
The ability to live through these numbered moments where we can dig deeper into our souls, and thereby into the very fabric of the cosmos.
It’s only there, in our essence, our potential, our connection, that we can find what we seek:
Our true being.
G-d.
Happiness.
Peace.
But to do so, one must search.
And searching only happens when there is movement.
So we must take steps and make sure life is being lived.
So, you see, if Amalek comes and sows its seeds of doubt, its unanswerable “what ifs”, then we stop.
There is no movement.
And if something doesn’t move, it appears as dead.
Life is movement. Time itself is movement.
And Amalek stifles it.
Doubt. Neither here nor there. No one way or the other. Just hesitation and watching your years go by.
If Abraham, our forefather, wouldn’t have dared to pray to the sun and moon as part of his search, he would likely have remained selling idols at his father’s home.
It was his bravery to take a stand, to take a step through hesitation, that allowed him to discover the falsity of his original actions, and to eventually find the Truth and become the father of our people.
He moved.
Sometimes up, sometimes down, always trending upwards.
When the Jews reached the Red Sea, they paused.
Some wanted to go back in surrender. Others to fight. Others wanted to kill themselves in the sea. And yet another group decided to pray.
And though you might think that prayer sounds the loftiest, G-d did not agree.
This was no time for prayer.
Or for fighting.
This was time to move.
“You have a goal to reach, it’s ahead of you, now go.”
Who cares if there’s a sea in between?
Take the step. Move.
And so they did.
And when the water got to their necks, the sea split for them, revealing they were on the right path all along.
And so, as we progress through our lives:
We most do the best we can.
Make the decisions that align with who you are, with what we can best determine to be the right path, while having a seeking heart. A heart that desires good.
Don’t fear.
We can’t let our doubt and hesitation keep us from the one thing we truly have:
Our ability to strive to improve.
To move.